Special Edition Fall 2022: XOXO Leah: Navigating Liminal Spaces in Relationships
Advice on handling transitions in relationships
By Leah Keith
I have said this before, and I will say it again. I hate summer, and the summer before my freshman year of college was especially excruciating. As I attended tens of grad parties, I could not help but think, “Wow, I will probably never see these people ever again.” Although I will probably see people’s lives unfold over social media and occasionally run into them at our hometown Target, I will never know these people in the way I did in high school. I will never say hi to people in the halls or discuss literature with them in English class. My relationships with these people from high school changed from classmates to strangers. If that relationship changed so easily, did I even know them at all?
As I reflect on the ways in which my relationships have changed throughout my life, I think about the constants. There’s that phrase: The more things change, the more they stay the same. For example, my family has always been constant for me, and my sisters in particular are honestly my best friends. Whenever I get nervous about my future, I look at my sisters and know I am going to be just fine. Throughout our years together, our relationship has evolved, and I even remember a time where we did not get along at all. When quarantine hit and we all were stuck in the same house, our relationship changed. With my older sister back home from college and my younger sister and I attending high school, all three of us grew closer than ever before. Now, we are once again separated, with my younger sister finishing high school, my older sister at her first job post-grad and myself in the middle of college, but I still feel so incredibly close to them. Our love for each other has stayed the same despite the changes in our relationship.
Although my family means the world to me, many people do not have that type of support system, so creating a chosen family through friends and loved ones is incredibly important. Namely, my best friend, Colleen, is the type of person who I know I will always be friends with, as we met in kindergarten and are still close today. Even so, I recognize the ways in which our relationship has changed. We no longer live up the road from each other, and now, we see each other a few times a year instead of every day. Again, my relationship with Colleen changed, but my love for her remains the same.
Throughout different times in our lives, we will experience a variety of different relationships. I asked my friend and graduating senior to share her advice on navigating these changing relationships. Mariah Scheuermann ‘22 (English, History/Professional Writing minor) (she/her) is graduating this fall, and she discusses relationships, change and transitions throughout her life and throughout college.
As I began the discussion with Scheuermann, she discussed her evolving relationship with her family since moving out. “Sometimes space is a really good and healthy thing for a relationship,” Scheuermann says. “I’ve never gotten along better with my mom since I’ve moved out, and now I can view our dynamics from a distance and understand her and our relationship better.”
Changing relationships can be incredibly difficult, especially when a relationship ends or fades away. “Just because it’s painful to cut things off with someone, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong, even if it feels that way in the middle of it,” Scheuermann says. “It’s hard to leave relationships behind, but it’s all for the best.”
While examining her ever-changing relationships, Scheuermann looks forward to her future relationships after graduation. “I hope to keep maintaining and sustaining my platonic friendships because that’s something that hasn’t always been present. I feel like I’m just gaining those back in the past year.”
Scheuermann goes on to describe how she has struggled with this type of relationship throughout different times in her life. “Covid and the ending of my last romantic relationship just came together at the worst time. I missed out on making friends in my first semester of college because I invested literally all of my freetime to this one person, and then that ended, and then Covid hit,” Scheuermann says. “I made no relationships or connections over those two years of quarantine. I came back and it felt like it was too late to start anything. However, I did make those connections, even if it’s not what I pictured, it’s probably even more beautiful and fulfilling than whatever I imagined.”
For Scheuermann, attending college throughout the early stages of the pandemic definitely impacted her experiences and relationships throughout college, as she decided to live off campus in the middle of her freshman year, when quarantine first started in March of 2020.
Due to the pandemic, Scheuermann struggled to form large social circles because at the time, doing so was incredibly unsafe. “That’s something I had to come to terms with, not having that kind of friend group on campus, or that sort of social experience at college,” Scheuermann says. “So in that way, I look forward to the free time to foster relationships after graduating and letting go of that idealized expectation of college.”
Navigating transitions and relationships can be incredibly difficult, but I hope you all know how capable you are to handle this uniquely liminal space. As you move forward throughout life and continue to experience ever-changing relationships, remember to find peace in the uncertainty. Know that things often work out in the end, and if it’s not working out, it’s not the end …
xoxo Leah
