Remedy, Rewrite, Reconcile with Rayan: Worry Wars
By Rayan Abdulkadir
Q: How do you practice knowing the difference between anxiety and your gut and intuition?
Before I decided to come to St. Kate’s, I was initially going to go to another university. I didn't get into my top school and I was devastated, but I got in elsewhere with a full scholarship. I committed and submitted a deposit a few days after my acceptance because I was convinced I wasn't good enough to go anywhere else. I hadn't even toured the school, but I convinced myself that this was the right decision. I was wired all the time and worried constantly about whether or not my decision was the right one, but who was I to think I would ever get an offer so good?
To complete college debt-free was something my family had always dreamed of for me. My mom finally had something to brag about to our relatives overseas, but I wasn't happy. The week before St. Kate's admission decision deadline, I took a tour of the school I committed to, and I hated the entire time. The campus felt like the exact opposite of everything I could have ever imagined for myself. Instead of backing out, I kept trying to convince myself that this was what would make me happiest. I lost sleep and was constantly anxious. I started to feel sick and realized what my body was trying to tell me. I didn't belong there. I needed to find somewhere else that made me feel excited about getting an education. My anxiety was from my worry about what my family and friends would have thought. Who was I to give up such an amazing opportunity? But my intuition was working overtime to protect me. I knew deep down I wouldn't have been happy, and my body agreed.
The difference between your anxiety and your gut is the way they show up and where they come from. Your intuition comes from a confident you, while your anxiety comes from a smaller you. Your anxiety will make you afraid, but your intuition will make you feel certain. Your intuition may be telling you something that you may not want to accept, and it's easy to misinterpret that into uncertainty, but when your body and mind know what's best, the “right” decision will come. Anxiety is often irrational and has no factual significance. When we are anxious, we make up scenarios and try to prevent the things we fear from happening, while intuition is your body using a recollection of past experiences and feelings as a subconscious means of encouragement. It's not always cut and dry, and there will be thousands of moments where you are unsure of what to choose or where to go, but our minds are made to protect us from the things we fear, while our intuition seeks out opportunity.
You know your body best, and most of the time, the right decision is already right in front of you. Today, you are the most experienced at life you will ever be. Trust yourself, and you'll be okay.
