Remedy, Rewrite & Reconcile with Rayan: Why am I still single?

By Rayan Abdulkadir

Before I answer your question, I should note that I only hold as much wisdom as a 19 year old girl can hold. If you ask me again in a few years when my frontal lobe fully develops I may have a different answer, but I'm pretty confident in this one. Secondly, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to ask this question. Relationships are complicated and vulnerable to talk about. College is an interesting time for love and connection. It can be hard to understand. I think instead of asking why you are still single, it may be worth shifting your perspective and thinking about the existing meaningful connections you already have in your life. Engaging in friendship is a great way to improve your sense of self, and it allows you to look at romantic relationships from a different perspective. I think it may also be worth what you're looking for, and what a good relationship looks like to you. 

Being in a relationship requires time, effort and commitment, and before you can do that with another person, it is crucial to work on doing that for yourself. Often we look for romantic relationships as a way to fill a void, just for the sake of wanting connection, rather than actually connecting with someone. Digging into your values and working hard to understand them is something that might help you better understand yourself, and what your ideal romantic relationship will look like. It is important that I mention there is no shame in being single, especially during college. A relationship will find you when you’re on the way to finding yourself. 

Do things for you. Commit to a hobby, be honest about your emotions and learn about yourself. The right person will want to do that with you. Vulnerability and honesty are crucial for healthy relationships. How vulnerable are you with yourself? 

I can't necessarily tell you exactly why you're single, but I can tell you some of the steps to take to be more in tune with who you are, in turn making relationships easier to navigate. Keep asking questions and seeking to understand who you are, and you will find someone who is working on doing the same. College is a time for experiences, vulnerability, challenges and connections. I encourage you to embrace this struggle as a turning point rather than a moment of weakness. 

You are going to be great, at whatever you do, and I hope that you find the connection that you've been looking for.

I am rooting for you and hope you find the connection you're looking for. 

Sincerely, 

Rayan