Remedy, Rewrite, Reconcile with Rayan: Haters gonna hate

By Rayan Abdulkadir

Q: How do you deal with the haters?

A: I was one of those kids who got bullied for existing in middle school. I had an “obscure” music taste, a very questionable style and some corny jokes that never made anyone laugh. I would irritatingly sing Twenty One Pilots lyrics and draw skulls on all of my clothes. My mom prayed that I would get through that phase as quickly as possible. I went to school in a suburb with mainly white kids who thought I was their worst nightmare. Now that I look back at it, I was just a kid going through an emo phase, and there was nothing wrong with who I was. But being different came with its fair share of disturbing comments and bullies.

I don't think there was ever a point in my life where I didn't have haters. Someone was always commenting on my clothes, my personality, even the way I talked. It made me sad at first. That was the natural response of 13-year-old me. But I noticed very quickly that the people who made fun of me all looked the same. The same clothes, same hair, same thoughts and ideas—and I became less sad about myself and more sad for them.

I realized very quickly that individuality is a gift, and when people realize it's something they don't have, it forces them to confront their fears—their fear of being who they truly are. Understanding this is one of the first things that helped me start to deal with the comments. When a person lacks a sense of self, they will do everything they can to make it your problem. It scares people that you can be yourself, authentically, without any worry.

I'm much older now, and I still carry that wisdom with me. Being who I am and doing the things I love to do is more important than worrying about the opinions of people who have minimal original thoughts and ideas. Often when someone is insecure, the first thing they'll do is look for that in others so they don't have to face how they feel about themselves. Knowing that makes it that much easier to let people's comments slide.

It took me a while to get to this point. I still have moments of insecurity. Every now and then, someone makes a mean comment and I rush to tell my close friends' circle on Instagram. But I've accepted that rude comments and snarky looks are out of my control. I am secure in who I am and no amount of comments takes away the things that matter to me, like my values and commitment to showing up authentically. It helps to surround yourself in a community that honors your interests and passions, and to do the things that make you happy even if people try to criticize it. No amount of haters can ever change who you are at your core.