XOXO Leah: To move or not to move, that is the question
By Leah Keith
A few weeks ago, I received a submission about a student’s uncomfortable living situation that I think many people can relate to. College students and people entering their early 20s often experience roommate issues, as this might be our first time living with people outside of our immediate family. Although I will be offering advice to this specific student, I hope many will find my guidance useful. Here’s what the student had to say:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Leah!
So, since the beginning of this semester, both of my roommates have turned on me, for lack of a better term. They have made the space really hostile towards me (not outwardly, but like there are undertones of them not wanting me to be in the common areas, even if I'm just trying to do my dishes or brush my teeth). I have tried to sort it out with them and it is okay for a few days and then the space is hostile again. I can't move, (mostly because I have too much stuff, and I live out of state :/) and also it's my senior year and I'm an honors student so the senior project + making sure that I meet all the graduation requirements, so I'm super busy and moving is not really an option. I could go to my RA and even Housing, but I don't want to go quite that far because that seems kind of extreme. However, I don't really feel safe being outside of my room (or really in my room because my roommates just barge in) and I don't really have anywhere else (as far as like friends on campus where I can hang out at their dorms or friends off campus) to stay with.
I'm kind of at a loss for what to do :/ and I would really appreciate your advice.
Sincerely,
a chronically tired student
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear chronically tired student,
When I read your submission, I really resonated with your story and struggle. Around the same time last year, I also felt stuck in an uncomfortable living situation. I told myself that I should just deal with it until the end of the year, as I would only be living in that suite for another few months until summer. Nevertheless, I knew that I would be happiest if I could live in a different space. So, I put in the request to move, started the process of finding a new spot on campus and received the move-in date within a week or two of starting that process.
Despite going through the whole process, I still was unconvinced that this was the right decision. I accumulated so much stuff after living on campus my freshman year, over the previous summer and part of my sophomore year, so I knew it would be a lot of work to move.
After an enlightening dinner with a couple of friends who validated my decision to move, I knew that I made the right choice. That dinner took place on Feb. 27, 2023. I moved out of my suite and into a new dorm on March 4, less than a week later.
Of course, I would recommend first talking with your roommates to try to remedy the situation, and you could even ask your Resident Assistant (RA) to help with some light meditation. However, it sounds like you already tried talking to your roommates with little success, so maybe it is time to contact your area director for more direct mediation.
If you continue to feel uncomfortable, consider moving to a different space, even though it might be challenging because you are out of state, busy as a senior honors student and lack a support system to help you move. It might also seem too late in the year to move, but I moved around this time last spring, and I even know someone who moved within the last month of school. Moving was the best decision I made for myself, and although we differ in some aspects, I can see how a move might benefit you in a similar way.
To offer you some advice, I asked one of the Campus Life area directors, Elle Larsen, to share some of her wisdom. Larsen helped me immensely when I decided to move last year, so maybe she could help you, too. When talking about how difficult it is to move, Larsen mentioned one way to alleviate part of the stress.
“A move can definitely be time-consuming, but sometimes just moving out of that individual space can be useful,” said Larsen. “If there’s a place next door, that can help minimize the move because then you don’t have to worry about moving buildings. So sometimes a small move like that can be more manageable and give you some more peace of mind.”
St. Kate’s also provides moving carts for students, and Larsen always encourages students to take advantage of those. “If they don’t wanna pack, just shove it in a big old moving bin. That’s my least favorite part of moving, is packing,” said Larsen.
I completely agree with that. I hate packing, so whenever I moved on campus, I would just shove my stuff into bags and throw them in the moving cart. It made unpacking a bit more daunting, but I think it was worth it.
If you decide that a move is the best option for you, I asked Sabrina Anderson, the director of Housing Operations, what you should do to start the relocation process.
“You can start a couple of different ways, but the easiest way to start is on MyHousing,” Anderson mentioned. “There is a form that basically says, ‘I wanna change rooms, here’s where I think I wanna go.’ That form goes to the area director, and then usually the area director will reach out to them.”
While talking about the move, the area directors will discuss your budget as well, since changing rooms can alter the cost of living. When I moved, I went from living in a suite in Rauenhorst to living in a double as a single in Caecilian (see cover image). Luckily, those two options were similar in price, but that might not be the same for you, so definitely consider your budget and the cost of housing before moving.
After submitting your form and talking about your options with an area director, either Elle Larsen or Kate Schmit, depending on where you live, then you can get started on your move. Area directors usually need to finalize the decision to move by Monday so that the earliest time you can move is the following Thursday. Then, you have Thursday through Sunday to move. After checking out of your old space, you will need to schedule a quick appointment with an office assistant to check your old space and make sure you moved everything out.
Here’s a quick guide to completing all the steps to move on campus:
The timeline can be flexible, especially if someone is in an unsafe living situation. However, Larsen emphasized the distinction between an unsafe and uncomfortable living situation. “Emergency moves are rare, and we move when people are unsafe,” said Larsen. “Uncomfortable can often feel unsafe in the body, but there is a difference between my roommates are mean to me, and my roommate threatened to hit me.”
Based on this submission, it sounds like you are more uncomfortable rather than unsafe, but if the situation develops into unsafe territory, be sure to contact your area director or Public Safety immediately. The Campus Life and Housing Operations staff always want what is best for you, so do not be afraid to reach out with any concerns.
“Overall, we hope students know that there are options,” emphasized Anderson. “Don’t be miserable or don’t feel the stress of it. Sometimes just asking for help and getting a brainstorm for next steps can give you a sense of empowerment.”
You sent in this submission a few weeks ago, so maybe your situation changed and you feel comfortable living in the suite for the rest of the semester. If so, that is great to hear! I still wanted to offer you some resources to help you build a support system on campus, as you mentioned not having many friends to hang out with outside of your suite.
I am not the first person to recommend this, but make sure to check out any clubs or organizations on campus that interest you. SEEK also hosts many events throughout the year, and NFSO meetings can be a great way to make new friends as well. Doing homework in common spaces around campus can be a fun way get out of your room and talk to people you would not usually interact with.
St. Kate’s also offers no-cost counseling services for up to eight appointments per semester. These appointments can be a great opportunity to talk through some of your worries as well.
No matter what you decide to do, I know you will make the best decision for your circumstances. I hope you have an amazing rest of your semester, chronically tired student, and please let me know what you decide to do! Wishing you all the best.
xoxo Leah
