XOXO Leah: Lonely Lesbians Near You!
Navigating dating apps as a young queer person
By Leah Keith
As the 14th rolled around the corner, I was quite disappointed when no one asked me to be their Valentine. Oh, but what should I do when no one professes their undying love for me? The answer— dating apps.
Before going to college, I never tried out any kind of dating app, not even teen-friendly apps like Yubo. When I downloaded Tinder a few weeks ago, it felt like a new playground for me to explore. Swiping right and seeing I got a match gave me instant serotonin, but after the initial match, things got more intense. We start talking and texting and all of a sudden, a date is in the works, and I start to panic.
In high school, my casual dating experience was quite limited. I got a boyfriend at age 16, but I was a closeted lesbian, so that didn’t work out. At age 18, I had my first girlfriend, but that relationship didn’t last past the summer before college. In between those relationships, I never dated casually, so I could not fathom the idea of going on a date with a stranger, especially a stranger from Tinder. However, that fear didn’t stop me from exploring dating apps.
So far, I only use Tinder, but I asked my friends Kathryn Fiel, Sophie Gibson, and Kate Yapp to help me compare different dating apps and give you all some tips and tricks for staying safe online. I will mostly touch on Tinder and Bumble because I did the most research on those apps, but there might be some other great dating apps that you could look into. For example, I know that HER is a great dating app for queer women!
First, let’s talk about Tinder. If you’re into casual dating and hookups, Tinder is the app for you! While creating a profile, you pick out a few of your best photos and add a cute caption, and then you’re ready to start swiping.
Sophie Gibson, who used Tinder for eight months before deleting it, said that she preferred Tinder over other dating apps because of its simplicity. One thing to note is that as a bisexual woman, Sophie found that she interacted with men more than women on Tinder because men usually made the first move. Sophie mentioned how she “never made the first move.” However, if a woman did make the first move, Sophie found that they would both say “omg you’re so pretty!” and then never talk again.
Kathryn Fiel, who used Tinder for six months before getting banned, did not enjoy the app all that much. Although she met a lot of people on Tinder, she didn’t like how easily people could lie about themselves, especially about their age. Kathryn prefers Bumble, a dating app more committed to long-term relationships and honesty, where the woman needs to make the first move instead of the man. After using the app, Kathryn found the long-term boyfriend she was looking for! Kate Yapp, another Bumble user, also found a long-term boyfriend on Bumble, and she recommends the app for people looking for more of those serious relationships.
Now, let’s get into tips and tricks for navigating dating apps:
According to Kathryn,
“Don’t be shy about the block button”
“Don’t give out your social media right away”
“Clearly set your intentions early on”
According to Sophie,
“Don’t do it”
Overall, dating apps are tricky to navigate, especially for young queer women. Not only do we need to figure out the strange nature of dating apps, but we also need to deal with the confusing way women flirt with each other— like I’m so glad you think I’m pretty, but are we gonna link or not?
My first tip on navigating dating apps as a queer woman is to beware of straight girls just looking for friends on Tinder. It happens quite a lot actually. I would also recommend checking to see what college people go to. If someone is 18 with no college in their bio, they are most likely still in high school. Swipe left! Lastly, if you do go out on any dates, make sure you meet them in a public place and send your location to your friends. Stay safe out there.
If you decide to enter into the online dating scene after reading this article, good luck, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Sending you all my love this Valentine’s Day,
xoxo Leah
