Special Edition Spring 2023: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started College

A letter to the younger me

By Morgan Shelley

Do you ever wish that you could meet your past self? Has college been the most difficult experience of your life? Do you believe that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be? Is life still ridiculously hard despite having this awareness?

Between self-help YouTube videos, books and Pinterest boards, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to figure out what the heck we’re meant to do with ourselves during college, wildcat. It seemed like all of these resources would make life better during the COVID-19 pandemic, but times have changed and many of us are more aware of nuance than ever. I was 18 when I started college and turned 22 this year; change has been the only constant in my life. I’ve changed my name, pronouns, hair, major, priorities, job and mind more times than I can recall. I’ve decided to pursue journalism after college, I got my nose pierced and I learned how to survive Minnesota winters. I know more than I did when I moved 400 miles away from home for the first time in fall 2019, but less than I will know by the time this article is published.

Everyone at St. Kate’s is on a unique journey, and even those who move in the same direction are using a different method of transportation. We’ve got nuance! We come from different places, lines of ancestry, light and darkness, etc. I’m getting to a point in my life where I don’t think someone else’s idea of wellness can transform me. I am the only person with my experience; therefore, only I know what will really make my life better. As we lovingly say in the mystic community, take what speaks to you, and leave the rest behind. I’ve always wanted to write a letter to my younger, pre-college self because there’s so much that they need to know and hear. I haven’t figured out how to time walk to give this to myself yet, but while I do, here are some things I wish I knew before I started college.

1.) All of this is temporary

Yes, this is a Halsey reference: “Bells in Santa Fe” is one of my favorite songs by the singer. I had so many plans and ideas regarding what I would do and who I would be when I came to college, and I didn’t even finish my first year before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Nothing teaches you that life is temporary like having your illusion of control thrown out the window. I wish I knew this, as I’ve spent nearly my entire college career struggling unnecessarily because of assumptions that *insert thing* would remain the same. All of this — the good, the bad and everything in between — is temporary, and I want to continue to learn how to be okay with that.

2.) Stay in your lane, there’s no traffic there

I picked this one up from Moonbeaming, my favorite podcast. As someone with some pretty nuanced astrological placements — I’m looking at you, Pisces sun, Aries rising and Sagittarius Mars — it’s important for me to remember that minding my messy business is non-negotiable. Wandering into other lanes of traffic by comparing, gossiping, spending too much time on social media, etc., has always gotten me into complicated situations. (I’m too tired to deal with my own life most of the time. What are other folks doing? I don’t know, and I don’t need to.) Being in my 20s has been a rollercoaster so far, and I want to avoid any unnecessary turbulence going forward because I already have turbulence in my life schedule. I really needed to hear this when I was 18, but I’m glad I know it now.

3.) Your mistakes will lead to the best things in your life

I never really understood what people (adults) meant when I heard them say that mistakes were learning experiences when I was growing up. How can you learn anything by getting everything wrong? The only thing I ever got for messing up was reprimanded; the only emotion I ever felt was shame. I have made some of the “worst” mistakes of my life during college. Now that I understand getting doors slammed in my face and being told that I’m not meeting the expectations of others is guiding me to wherever I’m going, I’ve come to appreciate my growing pains. (Do these things ever end? I hear being in your 30s is cool, but I’m trying not to get ahead of myself. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.)

4.) No one else is going to take care of you

This is something I wish I knew and something I’m still learning about. Taking care of yourself during college is hard — every couple of months, I write something about college student health; the latest is last fall’s Decision Fatigue in the 21st Century — and we’re usually on our own when it comes to all branches of our health. Between work, classes and goddess knows how many other obligations, it’s tempting to just throw ourselves to the side in favor of pushing forward. Most of us don’t even do it on purpose, honestly, it just happens because of *insert deadline.* But if we don’t care for ourselves, wildcat, no one else will. In the words of Taylor Swift, “You’re on your own, kid.” 

5.) Your mind isn’t meant to be compared to everyone else’s mind

If you know that comparison is a joy thief but still need reminders like me, this one’s for you! I feel like most of us come to college with unrealistic expectations, and when those expectations aren’t met, we immediately look backward with a sense of longing. I’m still comparing my current self to who I was in January 2020 as if they’re some ultimate form that I must return to so that the Earth doesn’t stop spinning. (If it isn’t obvious already, I’m in my “Midnights” era.) One day, there will be a magic spell that erases comparison from human consciousness, and we will all reach our highest potential, but until then, please know that where you are right now is a lovely place, even if that place has thorns. (And if you’re neurodiverse: Keep doing your thing in whatever way works for you!)

6.) To make dreams real, first you have to have them

I found this one in a fortune cookie in 2020, and I’ve had it in my phone case for nearly three years. Considering I became an English major that year and began writing regularly in my free time, I like to imagine I understood what this message meant at the time. Lately, I’ve been reconsidering my idea of dreams as my college career is coming to an end. I know I want to pursue writing in my life, but I also want to do other things, like spend time with my friends and move to a different country. Here’s a gentle reminder to keep on dreaming.

XG in their “Shooting Star” music video. Credit: XGALX

7.) It will pay off*

“Baby, if I give it my all, will it pay off? Working overtime, no days off. All these shooting stars in the dark. All these shooting stars in the dark, make a wish.”

Last but definitely not least, we have some inspiring lines from one of my favorite XG songs, “Shooting Star.” Every time I hear this song, I feel excited and hopeful for my future, no matter how exhausted I am. (It also makes me want to cry, in a good way.) College has taught me to hold onto the things that bring me joy like my life depends on them — because it does. Most of us are working the hardest we’ve ever had to in our lives with barely any time to rest, and I can’t speak for everyone else, but when it gets dark, I try to remember that darkness can allow me to see the stars. And that if we give it our all, eventually, it will pay off.

These are some of the things I wish I knew before I started college, wildcat. What are yours?