Special Edition Spring 2023: Parasocial Paradigm

Are one-sided relationships as treacherous as everyone assumes?

By Morgan Shelley

“I wanna be you so bad, and I don’t even know you.” - Olivia Rodrigo, “Jealously Jealously”

“A parasocial relationship is an illusion of friendship or intimacy created between a fan and a figure who they admire.” - Naomi Cannibal, “Parasocial Relationships: Strangers Aren’t Your Friends”

“It may seem strange that people form parasocial relationships despite their lack of reciprocity, but it’s important to remember that humans are evolutionarily wired to make social connections.” - Cynthia Vinney, “What Is a Parasocial Relationship?”

As a 20-something with 24/7 media access, it’s hard to miss how much buzz the world has been making about parasocial relationships lately. YouTubers warn us that celebrities aren’t our friends, Taylor Swift fans are divided by our degrees of parasocial interactions with the singer and many articles regarding parasociality are written from a negative perspective. Buzz, buzz, buzz. One could assume this is a recent discovery because everyone’s talking about it — on Google, worldwide interest in the word “parasocial” for the past five years has skyrocketed from less than 10 searches per week in April 2018 to 60 searches or more per week in March 2023 — but people have been paying attention to parasociality since the late 20th century.

NewJeans members taking a photo of themselves. Credit: ADOR

Para-what?

Parasocial relationships debuted in “Mass Communication and Para-Social Interaction: Observations on Intimacy at a Distance” by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl in 1956. They wrote, “One of the striking characteristics of the new mass media—radio, television, and the movies—is that they give the illusion of a face-to-face relationship with the performer.” VeryWellMind states parasocial relationships are “One-sided [relationships] that a media user engages in with a media persona.”

Potential positives include increased belonging, reduced loneliness and stronger social relationships, while potential negatives include the development of unhealthy behaviors, adoption of a media persona’s bias or beliefs and distress. I like to say they’re a one-way train where you’re both conductor and passenger. Some claim they’re the hidden message of “Ditto” by NewJeans. However you define parasocial relationships, there’s a chance you’ve been part of one.

One Ticket Admits All

Kajnrig Khang ‘25 (Psychology, she/they) and Fern Schiffer ‘25 (English, any pronouns) have both experienced parasocial relationships, attachments or interactions before and learned about them on YouTube in the past five years. “I think [parasocial relationships] can be okay,” Khang said. “Sometimes they help people have someone or something to enjoy and look forward to in life, especially if they are in a bad place.” Reduced loneliness and adoption of a media persona’s bias or beliefs are things she has experienced as a result of her parasocial relationship(s). They’ve also only experienced parasocial relationships on social media platforms such as Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, VLIVE/Weverse and Facebook. They shared that parasocial relationships can become problematic when “someone has almost completely detached from their life.”

Social media has made parasocial relationships accessible to nearly anyone with an internet connection. Published in 2017 by Siyoung Chung and Hichang Cho of Singapore Management University, “Fostering parasocial relationships with celebrities on social media: Implications for celebrity endorsement” explains how celebrity interactions have shifted from rare to normal and the ways parasocial relationships have evolved as a result. “[Social media has] narrowed the distance between audiences and celebrities and … altered the role of audiences from that of mere spectators or admirers to ‘friends’ of celebrities.” They continue, “[S]ocial media interactions can create a sense of intimacy, a feeling of connectedness, perceived friendship and understanding, and identification with celebrities.” As long as social media remains important to us, the accessibility of parasociality will likely continue.

Maia — commonly known as mxmtoon — is a popular singer and YouTuber who recently returned to the video streaming platform with “being in your 20s sucks.” The video plays into casual relatability as Maia is physically seated, making eye contact with her camera (and consequently the viewer) and sharing personal information about her life. The artist discusses how difficult her 20s have been and how feelings of inferiority and comparison to anyone she admires remain part of her life, although she’s considered a successful musician. “In our 20s and teenage years, there’s this enormous pressure to be extraordinary … We feel envy toward others regardless of where we are in our lives all the time.” When I watched the video, I felt like Maia said everything I needed to hear, and I wasn’t the only one. Sometimes, parasociality really can be as simple as feeling like you relate to someone you don’t have a mutual connection with for 17 minutes.

Getting Real

According to Every, “Being ‘relatable’ and seemingly ‘accessible’ online carries the real risk of attracting those who fail to understand boundaries, full-fledged stalkers, or those who want to actively cause harm.” While researching parasociality, I was less than surprised to notice that everyone is kind of nervous about it.

There seems to be a general consensus that parasocial relationships are a problem that can easily take a turn for the worse. “I don’t think [parasocial relationships] are altogether bad, but [they’re] a situation ripe for abuse on either side,” Schiffer shared when asked to share their opinion on parasociality. “It’s difficult for a creator to ethically navigate interactions with fans who take it too far … it’s also hard for fans to navigate interactions with creators they’ve projected too much onto.”

They also believe it’s possible to interact with people we don’t have personal relationships with without developing parasocial relationships: “Just mediate your expectations to reality.”

Khang shared similar sentiments: “Many people connect with musicians and entertainers without feeling especially attached to them … many listen or watch things from these people casually.”

Parasocial relationships require nuance, and generalizing them can be a slippery slope. As someone who has survived everything from “One Direction Infection” to “BTS Fever” and generally being into anime for most of my life, I can confirm the possible negatives and positives of parasociality. There are risks, but there is also joy: I only know this because I’ve experienced nearly every shade of both and made it to where I am now. Being a K-pop fan for seven years has taught me more about parasociality than any article or study. Fan culture is unique, and having a nuanced experience with whatever you’re into is okay.

I think we’re getting to a point in human society where we have to make an effort to consciously decide what types of connections we want to make as individuals. I went through some terrible parasocial breakups during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now, I’m constantly evaluating my parasocial relationships because I want them to be better than they were. I also lack the space for new ones, so I’m big on boundaries and minding my own messy business right now. There’s a pretty good chance you’re in a completely different place. I’m curious how parasocial relationships will evolve in the future, but for now, try to take things at your pace and be honest with yourself.